Unwired


I am taking notes of things I wanted to mention, but may not have had the charge, wifi, time or energy to commit to these pages. I will go back and cover these as opportunities arises. Therefore, the timeline may seem schizo in some places. I'll make special effort to reference the dateline.

After leaving Frankfurt I found myself significantly low on power for my handhelds and totally without wifi... It was a wifi drought of Biblical proportion. No wifi on planes, trains, treno stazione, cafe... no wheres!

Until I arrived at Riccardo's last night... At which time I only wanted to brush my angora teeth and hit the sack.

Do I look German to You?

The entire flight the attendants were addressing me initially in German, while they spoke English to the other Americans around me. This happened so many times that I asked Mr Blackwater if I look German.... 

Now it's happening again in the airport.

It must be the glasses.

I know what else I forgot....


I put my converter into my checked luggage, instead of keeping it in my backpack.... So now I can't charge my withering handhelds.....

Also, I didn't include a toothbrush in my backpack, so I'm chewing Mentos as cologne.....

ORD to FRA


We have a mere thirty minutes to wait to board our flight and so I queue up in the roped-off chutes designating ranges of row numbers. Within minutes I'm glad I did, being only six from the front of the line in my group followed by dozens of later-queuers.  I'm in line behind a lady with a Polish accent.

Perhaps the end-game gratitude in CLT toward the LH agents for finding me an actual flight "today" was too little too late -- given my flight from Chicago saw me sitting in the next-to-last row of the plane -- known for increased turbulance and last-out disembarkment. Nor were my profile preferences of "Aisle" and "Kosher" met. However, I count my blessings that I was only one aisle and the lap of a hibernating, ma'am-speaking Blackwater-type from very clean restrooms.

And after a not-half-bad meal, a half-glass of cheap red, and a half of a movie, I draped my dupatta over my head, turned toward the left toward the shaded windows, stretched my legs out, and slept.

As Seen at the Airport



Have you ever noticed that so many people at the airport look really familiar -- like you don't know them, you don't know THEM, but you know someone else who has that exact face. And it's uncanny how you can see a face from afar, observe the lope of the individual coming toward you, the way they carry themselves, their chosen plumage, and find yourself totally satisfied at the rightness of their voice as they pass you, because -- again -- you know someone else exactly like them. (Topic for another day: How is it that I have never met my own doppleganger?)

Our little gang of Merry Men made our way from the United gate in the domestic terminal to the Lufthansa gate in the international terminal. ORD is a truly beautiful airport. The floors are fabulous -- ubiquitous public-space terrazzo, shiny new, laid out in a variety of grey and while checkerboard patterns -- a long stretch of which has the joints between the grey and the white not made from the standard stuff of dull grey metal framing borders -- originally holding the newly poured terrazzo in like the aluminum grid in a 1960's ice tray formed individual cubes -- but a non-metallic red of exacting dimensions. And then, after jogging left, the route to our gate goes through a tunnel, fuscelage-esque ceiling above of metal joists and plates and rivets. And art-project park benches dotting the route, where most of the retail was now closed for the night, but the bad turn of weather had left many travelers standing in line at the gates for boarding passes.

Crystal T

Kudos to Crystal T with United in CLT at gate A12.... In a time of short tempers and confusion, she kept us informed and entertained!

Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc

We've just had an addition to our band of Merry Men going to Frankfurt. The gate agent brought us a 19 year old German girl ... We're to make sure she gets boarded ok. 

Inclement weather

Soooo, there is bad weather in Chicago, so the plane coming to CLT has only just now gotten into the air enroute to CLT.... Putting us approx 1 hour late in our departure.... Leaving 1:15 in ORD before the Chicago to Frankfurt leg departs.... Plus, we need to change terminals and get boarding passes. 

I've identified two men on the same Frankfurt flight, so they know to find me before they heading toward that gate.

Apparently LH cancelled 87 'long haul' flights today as part of this strike.... Speculation is that weather in Chicago has delayed this LH flight so much that it was too late to be included in the strike... 

Averted Part Deux


Today is my virginal trip in the TSA Pre-Check line. Oddly enough, while standing in it I looked over and found that the regular line was actually shorter than the Short Line... That my friend, is capitalism at work.... pay a fee to stand in the Short Line which is longer than the regular line. And feel really special doin' it!

I asked my Short Line compatriot - should I pop to over to the actual shorter line? And my new best friend says -- only if you want to take off your shoes. I look down, recalled I had on buckle sandals, calculated the difficulty of these particular buckles, and opted to stay in the (not really, today) Short Line. Thus are the decisions of the ultra rich western pigs....

Fast, easy... and (I could be wrong!) but the TSA agents seemed friendlier and less suspicious than those assigned to the regular line... hmmmm... reality, or conjecture?

So, I'm down sitting in the bar, having a local brewski... few fries.... and sending a note to Chatty Riccardo that I will be very late.


Calamity Averted


OK, really proud of myself -- thinking on my feet...... Two hours from the minute I read the email stating that Lufthansa is on strike to the minute I'm sitting in a very nice CLT airport bar, having an OMB Copper.

First things first... Today was my virginal Uber trip. Felix was a good driver -- Bronx native, been in Charlotte 14 years... Sounds like he works 14 hour days at Uber -- but hey, he's an independent contractor so he sets his own hours, right? Thanks Felix.

Next, I was absolutely right to react so quickly and get to the airport ASAP. I was second in line at Lufthansa. My first agent explained that I had courteously been rebooked for TH for the same series of flights. I said -- nope, I need to be in Florence tomorrow. So she put me in the line for the ONLY AGENT who was at work finding immediate flights for disgruntled passengers. Which apparently was a long process.

I think they were trying to keep us on as many LH flights as possible, because I really think I could have been rebooked CLT to Rome to Florence on USAir.... So I've ended up on CLT to Chicago... to Frankfurt..... to Florence..... Arrving 6 hours after intended. On United.

I really think I could have been put onto a USAir flight to Rome or Paris... but c'est la vie. And maybe I was a little snottier than I SHOULD have been, but I smiled and thanked the ladies as I left.

So, I hoofed it to the OTHER END of the terminal to United, where thankfully there was no line, but a series of workstations (self-serv and agent) when kept going down and up. Thankfully there was a cool chick with shades manning the machines. She was able to help me get checked in, select my aisle seat with extra legroom, and get my TSA Short Line number entered into the system so I can take the short line.

Germans on Strike!!??

LH pilots apparently on strike. So I'm standing on line for rebooking to Florence...already told one agent that Thursday is not an option...... Luckily for me I read recently that U.S. Law is that the airlines must accommodate me today, even if that means booking me with another carrier....   The adventure begins

Packed


OMG, I think I'm packed... I mean, not packed packed like closed and zipped and snapped and TSA-Approved-Locked.... but I've worked on my list for months to ensure I take everything I'll need, and nothing I won't... and I've taken just enough to get by 3-4 days, when I will need to do a little laundry... and I've laid out my clothes all over the bed, ensuring (like in a 1970s magazine spread) I can mix and match for a full month while not getting bored (or boring!) and keeping at the front of my mind that I'd like to convey a little je ne sais quoi (and would like [my clothes at least] to not scream americana -- therefore I have to leave my bright white Adidas walking shoes and my Carolina Panthers shirt [like I actually own these things] at home).

I'm feeling pretty confident about my pack-job!

Strike Two!


My MS Surface 3 arrived in some way cool packaging -- who knew MS was becoming so hip.... or at least sooooo.... Apple-esque. At any rate, I unveiled my new interweb portal device and powered up.

After my recent experience with the invasion of the schizo-Office, I knew the very first thing I had to do once I connected to my wifi network would be get Norton up and running. I used a friend's machine to log into Norton, check out the stats on my current contract, poke around and find out exactly the steps I needed to take to get downloaded and activated.

Then, in true geek fashion, I wrote a procedure... it wasn't an actual procedure document -- don't go crazy -- simply a list similar to Norton's instructions edited to contain my specific additional steps and info. (I didn't want a Lenny-repeat!)

I signed on with Surface, connected with my wifi (which I don't really trust, I think it's been hanging out on some street corners with Russian and Nigerian hackers) went straight to Norton, logged in, downloaded, applied, and voila! Protected. I ran a full system scan... double and triple checked that I'm protected.... And then  logged off for the night.

The next time I logged in I started getting little Norton Messages slipping onto the lower right corner -- "Your converage is expired! You are not protected!"... and little MS messages zipping in there -- "You are not protected".... Oh no... what now!

So I logged on with my friend's machine again, and verified that I have contract time left.

Then I went online with Surface and signed in to Norton.... After some poking and prodding, it turns out that MS had already installed a "free 30-day subscription" for Norton on Surface, and my recent download seemed to be competing. I felt my best move was to totally un-install all Nortonware from my machine. Then redownload and reinstall my own contract.

Working from an edited procedure (above) I accomplished the uninstall quickly and easily. But when I tried to go online to Norton, I couldn't get IE to come up.... some not-enough-memory message.

I logged off and powered down several times, with the same result. So I opened Task Manager and found that there were two processes eating up 99+%.

I stared at these two processes. The names really didn't mean anything to me... they didn't jump out as something really inherent to a good user experience. So, I killed one of them.

And my desktop died.

Strike Two!

A Man of Few Words


My AirBNB hosts have really cool Italian names! I'll be boarding at various locations with Riccardo, Alessandro, Lorenzo, and Fabio (yes! Fabio). They have Italian last names too!

In keeping with AirBNB etiquette, after I've booked my stay I'm supposed to send a quick email (via AirBNB only, no external fraternization allowed!) to the host to say how excited I am to be staying at his house. Then, within a week of the check-in date I'm to send another email with details of my arrival.

(I'm serious about this -- AirBNB sends me [the guest] reminders to follow this protocol.)

My first nights are in Genoa, in an apartment with Riccardo and his cat, where he will serve me breakfast in his rooftop garden looking out over the harbor (Christopher Columbus, yada yada).

So, in following AirBNB etiquette, after he accepts my reservation I send Riccardo a little note:

"Thanks for accepting my reservation! I am looking forward to seeing your garden and experiencing life in Genoa!"

He sends back:

:)


So, this week I get the reminder to make contact with Riccardo about my stay next week. During the lapsed time I'm thinking, hmmmmm, perhaps Riccardo's English is limited... I decided to send the note in English and in Italian. So after visiting quickly with my friend Google Translate (don't hate me, Lori!) I send this:

I am looking forward to staying at your place in Genoa beginning XXXX. I will take the train from Florence and hope to arrive by 18:00. Is it OK to text you after I've gotten my SIM card?

Vedo l ' ora di stare al vostro posto a Genova all'inizio XXXX prenderò il treno per Firenze e spero di arrivare entro le 18:00 . Il testo va bene dopo ho avuto la mia scheda SIM ?

And he responds with:

OK

Riccardo is a man of few words. We should have lots to talk about!




(What's even weirder is that when I look at the message I sent to Riccardo in my AirBNB Message History queue, it shows I sent this:

I am looking forward to staying at your place in Genoa beginning XXXX. I will take the train from Florence and hope to arrive by 18:00. Is it OK to text you after I've gotten my SIM card?

I am looking forward to staying at your place in Genoa beginning XXXX. I will take the train from Florence and hope to arrive by 18:00. Is it OK to text you after I've gotten my SIM card?

Lenny with The Plastic Hinges

In the weeks leading up to this trip I've had two (count'em, two!) PCs crash-and-burn or go crazily bellyup on me. While I am a person who believes in omens, in cases of supernatural or otherworldly bizarro happenings I defer to 'baseball rules' before throwing in the towel. I won't abandon my dreams to travelogue my trip on this blog until there's a third strike.

In the first instance, my Lenovo with plastic hinges has been suffering some carpal tunnel. It's heavy and gets hot, so I've been considering replacing it for a while now. I've been doing research on what I should replace it with... Perhaps I should have done the research on my work machine. Who knew the Lenovo has transformer-ized into HAL 9000, intent on stopping the evil plot of replacement.

Somehow I picked up a virus or malware that wasn't being wiped by Norton. A popup box would appear indicating that MS wanted to upgrade my Office Suite. It wasn't a very good popup box -- definitely not MS quality, or really even MS style -- I knew it was bogus. And I knew I hadn't purchased an Office upgrade. So I would open Task Manager and kill the task running the box. Safe, on first!

The bug was pretty insistent, and would popup at odd times... like before I had entered my password. So I would have to key gingerly around it, carefully move the box out the way like those guys in Hurt Locker, login in, and kill it with the Task Manager. Boom!

In the interim I'd decided Io voglio (I want) an MS Surface 3, and am tracking prices online. August and September are historically good months for PC purchases due to back-to-school sales, and a Surface 4 is rumored to come out in October. So I'm holding on for dear life to good ole Lenny, waiting for the most bang for my buck. (No, I didn't really give a nickname to a laptop with plastic hinges!)

I saved a search at GoSale and was checking almost every day, ready to pull the trigger.

Apparently this really pissed Lenny off because one day, before I could kill the task, a pseudo MS screen jumped up and started counting out all the files it was loading.... thousands and thousands of files. it took forever... I couldn't interrupt it... then it did a restart (HAL 9000!).... and when it came back up my MS Office had been replaced with some not-quite-right, cant-put-your-finger-on-it, schizophrenic facsimile of Office -- which I knew I couldn't trust. And who knows what else lurked inside that machine.

So I copied my important files onto a thumbdrive, and shut Lenny down forever.

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid." 

Take that, you plastic-hinged behemoth!

Strike one!